A Slower Pace

This was heard from my son today…..

“I’m going to get lots of cows before I get married. That way, my wife can’t say no.”

He cracks me up. Although with that attitude, he might not get a wife.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

One year ago today, I started with my current company. My, how time flies.

It seems just over a year ago, my tunnel was dark, work sucked and the environment was toxic. And after months of prayer, several events with His fingerprints on them sequenced themselves for my ransom to a wonderfully healthy business environment where I can work hard, have a positive impact, and then leave it behind as I go home to leadership responsibilities that are more important.

God…..thanks for my job. I am happy and hope to continue serving you.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

There has been lots to do this weekend which should continue through the week and into next weekend. You see, Mom and Dad Aslowerpace are coming in this evening from the San Juan Islands to spend 10 days with us. D has his first communion next Sunday and because we are church seeking and haven’t found a church home yet, we decided to have a service here on the property. There are two other kids in our church seeking group that are also having their first communion as well. And when some folks from the Louisville Emmaus community heard about three kids’ first communion service they decided they also wanted to be involved. So next Sunday there will be an ordained minister, a music team, and lots of family and friends here for a celebratory church service outside. We are putting to the test the statement “Four walls a church do not make” because we won’t be inside and there is not a church building for a few miles.

While we have been getting ready this weekend, one of the tasks we needed to check off our list was mowing the grass. Mrs Aslowerpace was able to knock out around 2 acres on Friday. I added a bit to that yesterday and today. And after church today, my son was able to almost finish the back.

It is so neat as a parent to see my 10 year old son display the maturity to maneuver and control a several thousand dollar, 700 hundred pound commercial machine mower. Just watching him out there I got one of those parent moments — and it was a multi-faceted parent moment.

One is knowing that your child could get hurt. Having 3 sets of blades spinning at thousands of RPMs directly beneath him as a hot revving motor sits right behind him. But I have gone over many safely aspects with him and he has displayed the respect a zero turn riding mower demands — just like his .22 rifle.

The other parent moment is seeing a 55 pound little boy (which he doesn’t like being called) sit atop and deftly control a large piece of machinery. For a dad, there is just something cool about seeing your son mature and take on some of the heavy chores and responsibilities. And when they involve machinery or power tools, it is that much cooler, especially when they respect what they are working with. Power without control is just wanton waste (ask our gov’t). But seeing my son on the industrial zero turn lawn mower maneuver around the yard and produce the results of a nicely cut lawn is very satisfying as a father.

I have pictures from when we just moved here where D would sit in my lap as I mow. I look back fondly on those pictures. I think I need to go out and take some pictures at our new stage of development so I can look back later when he is much older and fondly remember this time that I am in the midst of soaking up.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

A friend of mine sent me this story to share. Anything that encourages marriage, upholds vows, solidifies resolve, surpasses challenges and removes divorce as an option is worthy of my time to post.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

No matter what condition your marriage, go carry your loved one — if not physically, then emotionally.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

My wife and R took off for Indiana this afternoon to attend one of the first of many college visit and tour days. They will spend tonight in the dorms and tour the campus tomorrow to see what it’s all about.

That gave me time to spend with K and D. I had some work from home stuff to wrap up late this afternoon. But once that was done, I donned my swim trunks and played out in the pool with them. The water was perfect and we wrestled, made a wave pool, floated on inner tubes and jumped around.

After that I told them I had a surprise. This usually is a game for all of us because they try to guess where we are going and I try to throw them off. To make things more interesting, some surprises are boobie prizes. For example, I think one time they got all excited and jumped in the truck and I took them to get the mail or out to the back property or something lame like that. Other times I have taken them to their favorite ice cream place — Graeter’s.

Tonight was a good surprise night — but I didn’t want them to know that…..yet. I first started out and it ended up being Kroger because I had some things to pick up. Well, Kroger happens to be right next to the Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen……which I drove towards after Kroger…..but drove right by. You now get the picture of the game.

So go from there to the bank (which is by Wendy’s which was a possibility for Frostys — but no) and then onto I-64. I then took the cloverleave north on the Snyder (I-265) but then stayed on the cloverleave to take me west, but stayed on the cloverleave to take me south, but stayed on the cloverleave to take me east. Again, you get the picture. After a few circuits on the cloverleave I finally ended up in front of Graeter’s and they didn’t even get out or believe me until I actually parked and got out of the car.

Dad thinks he’s funny!

Our ride home was much quicker and more enjoyable as we ate ice cream cones on the way home. Such is life at our crazy home.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Communication in this day and age is so many things.

• Important
• Overused
• Drowning
• Complex
• Saturated
• Lacking

Add the word “effective” into communication and it changes those adjectives.

• Needed
• Essential
• Dynamic
• Critical
• Impactful

While there is constantly communication all around us, the world is yearning for messages of substance. The short video below is a beautiful and elegant message that is effective in getting its message across in the sea of media that surrounds us every day.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

I spent a lot of this last weekend in the garage. It has been a continuation of last month where one of my wife’s b-day presents was for me to clean the garage. Well, I have been continuing that momentum and taking it even further. The whole garage isn’t clean, but 2/3 of it is and we can park her truck and my car in there. Additionally, I have been able to quickly locate any of the various tools used for the myriad of home/garage projects. And my discipline in returning them has stuck and the garage is as clean and usable today as it was when I began the project a month ago. For me, that is a record.

So yesterday, I took a break from continued work on the last section of garage, and instead focused on changing the oil in my wife’s truck and my car. Also, seizing the opportunity, I brought D out so he could help me wrench on the vehicles and learn to exercise some of his Y chromosome.

I went into the finer points of the engine. I explained the role of oil in the engine. We even did a little experiment where he rubbed his hands together quickly. This created friction which created heat he could feel. I then had him do the same thing after I poured some vegetable oil on his palms. He rubbed even quicker but could not produce friction enough to generate any heat. I then explained how metal rubbing against metal is not good and produces lots of friction and heat and that the oil we were putting into the engine prevents that and lubricates the many moving parts.

I then let him jack up my car (which we didn’t need to do with my wife’s truck). I explained how we had to safely find the jack points and then lift the car with the floor jack. I also asked him how such a little boy could lift up the heavy car all by himself. He pointed to the jack and I explained that the jack worked by using physics. We did a couple of experiments with the jack so he could see the difference in leverage, where he put his hands on the jack lever, and distance and frequency of the pumps.

With the car finally up, I told him that this was the most important part of the day — positioning the jack stands to that we could work under the vehicle safely. I told him that even though the car was up on the jack, that we had to use jack stands if we ever went underneath the car. It was ok to just use the jack alone if we were just changing a tire, but if we put any part of our body underneath the car, we had to use jack stands. That made sense to him and we should never have to find out the hard way.

I then showed him my vehicle maintenance log and pointed out all the past maintenance activities. I also highlighted how I had written down common, frequently used tool sizes. For example, my car that we were working on required a 9/16 socket for the oil drain bolt. We went over to the tool box and I had him select the correct socket and wrench. We proceeded back over to the car and got underneath while he positioned the oil pan and I loosened the drain bolt. He watched the oil come out and slowly decrease to a drip. He updated me on the progress as I retrieved the oil filter and positioned paper towels accordingly. With the last drip, drip, drip, I tightened the oil drain bolt, screwed off the filter, and put on the new one. I then gave him a quick lesson on the weights of oil – 5W-30, 15W-40, 30W, 20W-50 – all of which I had in stock. I told him that my car was special and required a special type of oil – synthetic Mobil 1 5W-30. He grabbed the funnel and we poured the golden juice into the motor. He commented that he could tell it was new oil because of the gold color and that used oil was jet black.

The job done, we celebrated with a pair of throw back Dr Peppers with real sugar that we poured in glass bottles to enjoy.

The heat got to him though (along with the donuts from church) and he retreated inside while I began work on my wife’s truck. However, soon enough he was back out with me and underneath her truck as we changed her oil.

It was a nice time with my son doing guy stuff and I am glad I could impart some garage knowledge down to him. Even though it was hot and humid, it was what makes a good garage memory.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

With all the festivities that occurred here on the property yesterday — swimming, BBQing, trailer rides, trampoline jumping, cornhole, food, fireworks, conversation, and good folks — I really needed a day to just rest and recover. Today was that day. I slept in, got up for a nice breakfast and my devotions, took a nap, played Connect 4 with K (who beat me), played Legos with D, played checkers, grilled some chicken for dinner and generally just lazed around. I am so thankful I had the day off work.

Today really was a much slower pace off the slower pace.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

I took off a bit early from work so I could take K and D to the new Toy Story 3 movie. If you are even remotely thinking about going I highly encourage you. You won’t be disappointed. It’s Pixar after all and they have a great track record.

Later this evening, the kids wanted me to take them back to blackberry heaven on the 4 wheeler. I declined and instead, we all walked down there. This time we brought bowls and resisted the temptation to plop the berries into our mouths. Instead we started filling the bowls with the intent to make jam or cobbler out of them.

Yum!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

This evening I was tooling around on the 4 wheeler when the kids saw me and wanted a ride. So D rode in front of me and K hopped on the back and we began riding all around the property. We had lots of fun crossing the creek, riding beside the growing corn, standing on the 4 wheeler to pick mulberries and stumbling across a large patch of wild blackberries. The farmers this year have said that it was going to be a great summer for blackberries because it was a “blackberry winter”. Now I don’t know what conditions that means but I do know they are right. Blackberries are just now starting to come into their own and it looks like they have legs to go a while.

And because blackberries are on prickly canes and challenging for smaller hands and arms to reach, I used my 4 wheeler to ride the kids right up to the spots that were teaming with blackberries. They called it “blackberry heaven” and picked the fat, dark berries and plopped them into their mouths. It was like a drive up blackberry stand as we idled from cane to cane picking off the berries and eating them right there. What a great time in the country.

Oh, and goodbye June.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net