A Slower Pace

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. The coyote then bites the Governor.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training RE: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

Montana :
The Governor of Montana is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Montana is not.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Yesterday there were a couple of times when my son’s perspective just cracked me up.

The first was in the evening as I was doing my cardio on the elliptical machine. I just recently put it together and there was a clicking sound during one of the forward motion strokes. I slowed down and leaned down to try to zero in on where the sound was coming from so I could fix it. My son happened to be down in the basement with me and looked over. Because I had slowed down and was leaning over, he said “Come on Dad, you can do it!”

Gotta love the honest encouragement.

The second was as I was perusing Facebook. My wife posted the status update below:

D started drum lessons and is setting up his drums in his bedroom. I told him it would be better in the basement because of the noise. His response, “don’t worry mom I’ll wear earplugs.”

He cracks me up!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

On the way home from the Lights Under Louisville the other night we swung by the grocery store. My middle daughter K was with our family friends spending the night with their girls so we only had my son D and older daughter R with us. My wife and R went in to get things we needed and D and I stayed in the truck.

Upon returning, my wife and R were talking about the cute cashier guy or something like that. D picked up on the conversation and named him “Brian”. He then started to tease R and sang the teasing kid song which I am sure you are familiar with. However, he butchered the last part of it which cracked us all up.

He started with…..
“R and Brian,
sitting in a tree,”
here’s where it gets funny. Instead of “K – I – S – S – I – N – G”, he said,
“H, I, J, K, LMNOP”

We all cracked up and he thought he was funny…..until we told him why we were laughing and that he butchered the last part.

It’s the simple things in life, I guess. I still chuckle about it.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Luckily, Kentucky was not pummeled by the recent midwest snow like Minnesota was. We only received 3″ here (some areas not even that much), not the 2 feet of snow that collapsed the Viking’s Metrodome. But because our driveway is about 1/4 mile long and winds down and through a treeline, across a creek and back up to the road, even a few inches of snow can make going up and down the driveway treacherous in a two wheel drive. So for the first time this winter/snow season I broke out the redneck snowplow. Some of you seasoned readers might remember the stroke of brilliance I had back in Feb when I combined the chocolate of my 4 wheeler with the peanut butter of a $10 railroad tie. The combination was one of functional thrift and continues to be put into service on days like today.

I’m thinking that “redneck snow plow” needs to be copyrighted.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

So this morning was my 2nd Friday to get up at oh-dark-hundred and make my way downtown to the Wayside Christian Mission to serve food for the homeless. A friend from my men’s accountability group has been going for quite a while now and he invited me to join him. More on the actual experience and perspective later. This funny story is from today.

I served the chow line during the first wave from 6am to 7am. At 7am, the recovery group has an AA type meeting so all the volunteers go to the kitchen to prep for 1/2 hour. I took on the mounds of potatoes that needed cutting. My buddy shared with me the sharpest knife in the kitchen to make my work easier. So I tore into bag after bag of donated potatoes, rubbing off the little sprouts before I cleaved each spud multiple times into the cubes they needed to be. I probably did about 300 potatoes all morning and ended my shift uneventfully.

I get to work and am quite hungry seeing as I had a very small breakfast so early in the morning. So I grab an apple on my desk and take it to the kitchen. And here’s the funny part — I cut myself right off the bat as I sliced the apple. I thought to myself, sheesh, 300 potatoes and no problems yet, here at work, this little apple takes me out.

At least it’s Friday!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

My son recently started playing flag football. I have been spending time with him teaching him the different aspects of the game I love. We have been out throwing the pigskin, talking about professional football teams, and discussing the game basics.

So this evening, my son has been by my side watching the Saints-Niners Monday Night Football game. I used the DVR to stop plays, point out play development (fakes to the running back, long passes to receivers, etc) and discuss the hard concept of first downs. Now, remember, he is 10. And now with my guidance, he knows more about some of the basics than I did at his age.

While he and I were watching the game, the TV cameras panned the crowd. Someone in the crowd had the traditional “D” fence sign. My daughter turned to me and asked “What is D gate?”.

I cracked up and had to explain to her that the “gate” part was a fence and to try saying it. She said “D – fence” and then smiled knowing the innocent mistake she made. And then, of course, my son had to jump in and give her a hard time chanting “D-gate”, “D-gate”, “D-gate”.

I laughed again. Pretty funny.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

This was heard from my son today…..

“I’m going to get lots of cows before I get married. That way, my wife can’t say no.”

He cracks me up. Although with that attitude, he might not get a wife.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

My wife and R took off for Indiana this afternoon to attend one of the first of many college visit and tour days. They will spend tonight in the dorms and tour the campus tomorrow to see what it’s all about.

That gave me time to spend with K and D. I had some work from home stuff to wrap up late this afternoon. But once that was done, I donned my swim trunks and played out in the pool with them. The water was perfect and we wrestled, made a wave pool, floated on inner tubes and jumped around.

After that I told them I had a surprise. This usually is a game for all of us because they try to guess where we are going and I try to throw them off. To make things more interesting, some surprises are boobie prizes. For example, I think one time they got all excited and jumped in the truck and I took them to get the mail or out to the back property or something lame like that. Other times I have taken them to their favorite ice cream place — Graeter’s.

Tonight was a good surprise night — but I didn’t want them to know that…..yet. I first started out and it ended up being Kroger because I had some things to pick up. Well, Kroger happens to be right next to the Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen……which I drove towards after Kroger…..but drove right by. You now get the picture of the game.

So go from there to the bank (which is by Wendy’s which was a possibility for Frostys — but no) and then onto I-64. I then took the cloverleave north on the Snyder (I-265) but then stayed on the cloverleave to take me west, but stayed on the cloverleave to take me south, but stayed on the cloverleave to take me east. Again, you get the picture. After a few circuits on the cloverleave I finally ended up in front of Graeter’s and they didn’t even get out or believe me until I actually parked and got out of the car.

Dad thinks he’s funny!

Our ride home was much quicker and more enjoyable as we ate ice cream cones on the way home. Such is life at our crazy home.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

So last Sunday was Father’s Day and my son thought he was funny with one of the gifts he gave me. It was a pair of my own underwear that had somehow gone through the laundry but made it to his dresser drawer instead of into mine. He wrapped it up and gave it to me as a gift. He thought it was funny.

However, he did not strategically think it through all the way. You see, his birthday was today — very close to Father’s Day. He should have done this on another gift giving occasion that didn’t have another gift giving date so close to it for me to reciprocate. So I used the opportunity to give him the same thing back — a pair of his clean underwear wrapped up. The funny thing is that he was bothered by this more than me because he thought it “counted” as one of his gifts and he felt like he got jipped.

Dad always has the last laugh.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

So I just finished writing the last post on something funny my son said and he popped off another one.

He was speaking about his day swimming and he used the word “gotten”. I corrected him that “gotten” was not a word. He reworded it using the word “got”. I corrected him again that “got” wasn’t a proper grammar word. His reply cracked me up.

D: “So then how do you say “Got Milk”?

Again, I laughed.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net