A Slower Pace

2/15/11 – DFW airport, Terminal B

I had cozied up to the free internet terminal courtesy of Clear Channel to burn through loads of work email that continue to pour in every time I am on the road for business. I had been through three 1700 second cycles (designed to kick you off the free internet network after 1700 seconds specifically to prevent folks like me from setting up camp for long durations) before a bearded man took up residence to my right. We had not spoken nor made eye contact; not unusual for a busy international airport like DFW. Several of our neighbors packed up their tech gear – laptops, cell phones, chargers and the like – and departed for their gates and destinations. Beardman and I were the only ones left and he made a comment about the free internet being great for long duration layovers. I agreed and asked him where he was going to. He was headed to Houston to see his daughter who was having a surgery. He did not look frazzled or worried and later in the conversation I found out that she had a bone marrow transplant last year and that this was just a follow up surgery. She was doing well and he had decided to come over from Germany to be by her side. He had an eight hour layover which landed him next to me sucking off the free internet. However, between the 28.33 minute timer (remember the 1700 seconds) and the very uncomfortable, hard stools (more effective than the cutoff timer) we both wrapped things up. As he was leaving, I told him that I would put his daughter in my prayers. He thanked me and said her name was Harley – Harley Davidson. So I am praying that Mr. Davidson’s daughter will heal quickly and come through the surgery with strength. Additionally, that father and daughter can enjoy their time together and he can travel home safely.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

I am traveling this week and on this Valentine’s night I was alone in Shreveport, Louisiana. Actually, technically I was not alone because there are two people from my company I am collaborating with for a partnering presentation today. But I was alone on Valentine’s evening away from my Valentine who is back with the kids in Kentucky. Babe, I love you!

But that aside, the three of us had an interesting time trying to find a place to eat last night. You see, it hadn’t immediately occurred to us that it was Valentine’s Day and mobs would be swarming out into every eating establishment yesterday evening increasing the competition for vittels headed to my hungry stomach.

We first called one of the nicest steak houses in town. The fellow co-worker who had been to Shreveport before knew of theplace and called ahead to make reservations or to see if we could eat at the bar. They were completely booked and pretty much hung up on him. We then walked over to a local casino to hit their very nice steak house. No dice, no open tables, no getting in without reservations. Well, that seemed acceptable because it was also one of the nicer places in town. We were just business travelers trying to eat, not romantic couples who had planned ahead.

We then hit the local developing boardwalk along the Mississippi River. Plenty of places to eat there. We passed by Cold Stone Creamery because, while we didn’t need reservations, it was still packed and none of us wanted ice cream for dinner. My co-worker who had been there before stated that he had never seen the place so busy, especially on a weeknight. It seems everyone was out treating their sweetheart while we struggled to get a bite to eat.

Another place there, Saltgrass Steak House, had a waiting time of 30 minutes. Not bad for 7:30pm and we threw our hats in the ring and decided to walk further down the boardwalk to see if we could “upgrade” and get in anywhere else, knowing that it would be our backup. Along the boardwalk, we came upon Hooters. I cracked myself up because I imagined the place pretty much empty except for a bunch of single guys dreaming they could find their valentine there. I also laughed because I said to my co-workers “What pathetic guy would take his sweetheart to Hooters on Valentine’s Day?”

I was right, there were no couples in there, just a few guys hanging out.

We finally made some grub headway when we were able to walk into Joe’s Crab Shack and not have to wait. Unfortunately, the wait was in the middle and on the back end because we were seated in the patio (it was nice outside) and our waitress tended to neglect us. Again, we all thought it a bit funny that we just wanted a meal because we were traveling and we had to compete with all these other people out there on one of the two most busiest “go out to eat” days (Mother’s Day being the other).

I hope you had a nicer meal with your sweetheart last night. Because remember, it’s not the meal, it’s the companionship.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

With it being Valentine’s Day, I thought I would post a Scripture verse about love. Now we need to remember, that God’s love — unconditional, unfailing, never ending, perfect — is MUCH different than the Hallmark, diamond commercial, See’s candy, 1-800-FLOWERS, Victoria’s Secret kind of commercial love of the world. We have bastardized the word love — we use it for many levels. Not just the “I love you”, but “I love my car”, “I love the Dallas Cowboys”, “I love Dr Pepper”, “I love Survivor”, “I love In N Out Burger”, “I love”, “I love”, “I love”. The word has lost its true meaning.

Additionally, we have allowed Eros love — lust — to come to mean love. I like how the ancient Greeks had different words for love. Agape love was the unconditional or sacrificial love – like a parent would have for a child. And like God has for us. I believe this is the most important kind of love.

Eros love was the passionate, sensual love for a lover or spouse. This is the love we have warped into lust and the love that predominately owns our commercial Valentine’s Day.

Philia is the brotherly love (hence the city of Philadelphia being the city of brotherly love) that we have for dear friends and comrades. This is a love that is genuinely there but, especially among men, is shied away from due to the “gayness” factor. You don’t hear many guys saying “I love you” unless it is father/son. That is too bad in our society today. I can truly say that there are guys that I philia love — men who in my life are very important, and not just my Dad.

And while agape and philia love are very important, and probably more common in our everyday lives, isn’t it interesting that our commercial, media society have bombarded us with eros love — or the lust version of it.

The love in the verses below is the agape love. It is what we are called to do to the world — to love it — unconditionally, sacrificially, no matter what people think, and no matter how we are treated. And while we frequently fail, we should reset our minds to think in terms of this love — the perfect love modeled by Jesus.

And I am going to quote a few different versions of the same verse because I think they give it some very nice color.

1 Corinthinans 13:13

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – NIV

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – New King James

Happy Valentine’s Day!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Tonight I have planned a very nice, romantic evening with my lovely bride. The Christian radio station I am a fan of, WJIE, is hosting a Sweetheart Dinner downtown. They have a wonderful meal serenaded by a few talented Christian artists. I have always wanted to go and this year our accountability small group purchased a table so we are all going. I’ll get dappered up in a monkey suit or something and my wife will look gorgeous. It will afford us a nice time away with great company, delicious food, and wonderful music. This year Big Daddy Weave and Aaron Shust are playing. I have been looking forward to it and now it’s here.

Call it my pre-emptive Valentine’s Day strike. We aren’t able to go out on Monday night so this will be nice.

Happy pre-Valentines Day, babe!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

I blogged about this before but every time I see this video I am in awe. In 10 years, once my job rearing my youngest is closer to completed, I am going to go do this. I have to because it is my Norwegian heritage. And then I would have my “E” (as in B.A.S.E. jumping which stands for Building, Antenna, Span, and Earth).

wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Yesterday there were a couple of times when my son’s perspective just cracked me up.

The first was in the evening as I was doing my cardio on the elliptical machine. I just recently put it together and there was a clicking sound during one of the forward motion strokes. I slowed down and leaned down to try to zero in on where the sound was coming from so I could fix it. My son happened to be down in the basement with me and looked over. Because I had slowed down and was leaning over, he said “Come on Dad, you can do it!”

Gotta love the honest encouragement.

The second was as I was perusing Facebook. My wife posted the status update below:

D started drum lessons and is setting up his drums in his bedroom. I told him it would be better in the basement because of the noise. His response, “don’t worry mom I’ll wear earplugs.”

He cracks me up!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Marriage is a very important gift given to us by God. Through it He ordained the commitment of a man and a woman to join together as one for love and for the raising of a family. In this healthy union, joy, empowerment, and fulfillment are experienced by both the wife and husband.

If you are lucky, like me, you have several successful models of couples to follow. I can count my grandparents, my folks, my in-laws, and many treasured friends as role models of support and encouragement. I know what marriage should look like and what I, as a man and husband, need to contribute to my marriage for it to persevere, flourish and produce fruit.

If you are someone whom marriage has had a negative impact — your folks were divorced, or you have been through a divorce — get out there and find a role model couple whose marriage has withstood the test of time. You will also benefit if you surround yourself with marriage committed couples. I can tell you that in my day to day living it is nice to be in the midst of great family and friends who have the same marriage ideals as I do (and will hold me accountable to them).

Here is the link to http://www.nationalmarriageweekusa.org/

Additionally, last year I wrote a post on marriage and aggregated quite a few online marriage resources. I am regurgitating them below because of the importance of the topic.

Fireproof – The Movie

Fireproof Couple Resources

Fireproof Your Marriage

Marriage 911

Christian Counseling of Mansfield

Focus on the Family – Free Marriage Booklets

Crosswalk Christian Resources

Christian Marriage Today

Marriage Rocks

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Happy birthday to one of the great Presidents to serve our country! And today is his 100th birthday. May he rest in peace.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

My wife shared with me a letter she wrote to a friend who has had some very rough times lately. And while we all come across rough spots in our lives, many of us have enough resources, friends, or wherewithal to not spend too much time in the valleys. While they sharpen and grow us, the valleys, like mountains, aren’t places to remain in and live, but rather locations and times to make our journey through.

I share (and anonymize) this letter for those who might benefit from my wife’s wise and Scriptural counsel.

My Dearest Friend,

I have been praying for you daily, as have been my friends. I am part of an accountability group and what we do is we hold each other accountable for living a Christian lifestyle. I really want you to have an open mind and an open heart as you read my letter.

First off I cannot even begin to fathom or understand what you have gone through in the last couple of years. It breaks my heart when any couple under any circumstances ends up in divorce. In talking to you, I know this has been a very dark and hard time for you. The bitterness, lies and deceit you have been going through surely have taken its toll, both on you and the kids. And although I don’t know all the details of your final settlement, I get from you that you are clearly unhappy and disappointed with it. I have empathy for you.

~But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. ~ Galatians 5:22

Now here is my advice and my challenge for you. The courts have made their decision and no matter how unhappy you are with it, you must pick up the pieces and move on. You have no choice but to do so. Your health and your well being are at stake. You have to start from this moment to make it the first day of the rest of your life. You have to give all the bitterness, anger, hurt, disappointment, and frustration to God. This is the hard part. You need to get on your knees and pray to your Savior, tell Him to give you peace, go ahead demand it from Him. Tell Him to take your worries, your pain, tell Him to surround you with His love and light. You need to pray continually. You need to focus on the positive and count your blessings. You have to see what is right with your life and move on. You need to get that Princess smile and laugh back. I know what makes you happy, surrounding yourself with fabric, painting your treasures, creating, reading, your children. Live for God first, put Him at the center and then everything else will fall into place. God wants you to live a life of joy, He loves you more than any person and His love is all the matters. Take the strength that He offers you and kick Satan to the curb.

~Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.~ James 1:12

Here is the harder part. Let your ex go. Be nice, take the high road. You don’t need to keep track of everything he does anymore. The courts don’t care anyway and it consumes you. If it’s his turn to have the kids just send the kids out. Keep your contact minimal and civil. If he wants to track what you are doing, so what? Let him. He is controlling you right now, you have to move on. He will continue to do things that upset you, you need to pray for strength, you count to 10, you find your joy and you move on. You love on your kids and don’t bad mouth him. Your kids will respect you more for it. I hope and pray you can do this. You must in order to move on with your life. You are starting over, make it a good start. I know you can do it. Princess Power!!!

~For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~ Jeremiah 29:11

Nothing new can come into your life until you are grateful for what you already have. So find your gratitude. Go volunteer in a shelter, serve meals, help those in need. Do something that makes you feel good. Don’t do it for your glory but for God’s glory. Then God will bless you. What are you grateful for at this moment? Your beautiful children? A roof over your head? Clothes? Books? Pets? Food? Even at your lowest point you are better off than millions of other people.

~but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.~

Isaiah 40:31

Keep your faith, your hope and your dreams alive! Be happy for everything that happened for it strengthens you, you are God’s warrior. Never give up, hold your head up and walk straight. Join a book club, a quilting club, a painting club, a Bible study, you will make friends. Wonderful friends who love you and understand you, friends God will bless you with.

~For we live by faith, not by sight.~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

Lastly you need to forgive. God has already forgiven both you and your ex. Without forgiveness you truly can never move forward. You need to forgive everyone who you feel has let you down during this entire process. They don’t have to say they are sorry, you just need to forgive them. God sent His only son to die for our sins, that is how much HE loves you. God expects you to forgive, so do it and free yourself completely.

~Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.~ Colossians 3:13

You must choose to trust God with your problems and your fears. To be successful at this, it is necessary to set aside time in your day to be still-be quiet before Him. He will lift the weights from your shoulders and carry your problems and fears for you. Peace that is at rest in your soul, calmness in your heart, trust that radiates through your very being comes from your relationship with God who loves you so much. God promises to never leave you, he will walk with you with whatever life brings. He will be your strength when you haven’t enough strength to lift your head.

~I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength.~ Philippians 4:13

I love you Princess, it is time to move on, to forgive, forget, find happiness, start over. You will always be one of my best friends. I wish I could bottle you up and move you closer to me. I know you have it in you, I believe in you. You are a very special lady, a very beautiful strong woman. I will continue to pray for you, I have faith in you and so does God.

Peace, Love and Blessings,

Kentucky Princess

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.

Nicely said, wifey!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

There are many great Christian ministries out there. One that I get a daily email from is Parenting Today’s Teens. Below is their radio spot / podcast from yesterday. It describes the classic parent enabler — one that, understandibly, wants to “rescue” their teen or child and prevent them from pain. However, in doing so repeatedly, sets up a cycle of enabled bad behavior and delayed or reduced consequences.

God often uses pain as the instrument to move His children from foolish thinking to wisdom. Likewise, consequences in the lives of our own children can bring about corrected behavior.

It’s hard for some parents to allow their child to feel any form of pain from consequences, so they rescue them. But for teenagers, inappropriate behavior changes only when the pleasure received from wrong choices is overridden by the pain of consequences. I’m not talking about physical pain, but the loss of certain freedoms for a time.

So, parents need to learn to allow consequences happen, and not lessen them, or they’ll start a cycle of having to rescue their child again and again, from ever increasing wrongdoing, for their entire life.

They say it much better than I do. Go check out their website for some great resources and insight.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net