A Slower Pace

Wow! I don’t know where to start. It is late — I just finished watching the NASCAR All-Star race and am reflecting on the day. For me, it was picture perfect.

It started with our last soccer game. I picked up my son’s soccer pictures and they looked great. I ordered some of those trading cards to send to family along with a button to match all the ones of my daughters that we have on the sun visor in my wife’s truck. The kids played a great game…..and we didn’t lose! We didn’t win either but I’ll take a tie over the losses we’ve had this year. I’m kinda bummed because they were just getting the hang of it — scoring goals, playing defense, attacking the ball. At least we ended on a high note and were getting better.

With that checked off our busy day list, my son and I ran into town to pick up some wine for tonight’s company. While driving down the freeway, I spotted a truck on the side of the road with a father and daughter waiting for something. I was in the slow lane and in a position to quickly pull over and stop. I offered help. They told me that she had a soccer game 30 minutes away that they were late for. Their wife/mom had surgery the night before and they spent a little too much time at the hospital this morning. They were running late and pushed their gas too far and had run out. But they had called someone on the team who was on their way. Within that time, that person showed up with the needed fuel and we left them in good hands.

A quick trip to the store for some nice wine and we were back home to help get everything ready for tonight’s dinner. I started the coals for the smoker and began prepping the two chickens. Once they were happy together with the hot coals and wet hickory wood smoking away, I was able to begin straightening up the back yard and garage. My wife already had the house clean and the kids were being good staying out of the way and not undoing all of our hard work. We were ahead of the curve with everything ready and the meal on it’s way to being enjoyed so my wife and I sat on the back patio for a while and just relaxed and talked. The weather was perfect today and we soaked it all in.

Our company arrived and we truly had a great time. Good food, good company and good chatting. We were able to visit, eat some good food and share some stories. We took a little hike around the property and my kids loved playing with their older daughter. I’m sure glad we could reciprocate and say thank you to them for all they had done.

After dinner and after our company had left, my son ran over to the neighbor’s house to play with his little buddy. Upon retrieving him later in the evening, I brought my neighbor’s favorite beer to him and we chatted for about 1/2 hour while the boys continued to play. The fireflies coming out was my cue to head home and say goodbye. Later that night, I actually caught one in my hands. I put it in a glass jar and took it inside to show they kids…..but they were all asleep. And so ends our great day.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

As promised, I took the whole family out last night to watch the firefly display. The kids had never seen something like that and were mesmerized by the random flashing all over the front lawn down to the treeline and creek. We sat there on the front porch steps as a family for about 15 minutes in amazement. It was truly beautiful. It reminded me of when we would go and watch the 4th of July fireworks…..except without the booms and bangs reverberating in the sky. It was just very peaceful to soak in nature’s fireworks display.

And to think that we’ll get this all summer. How lucky are we.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

We’ve been back from our spring break vacation back to California for about a month now and here is one of the postings I promised.

First observations: while it was nice to be back in familiar territory, my first thought was “Damn, there sure are a lot of people here”. We hit LAX on a Saturday afternoon. It felt like the day before Thanksgiving — the busiest travel day of the year. And the normal 45 minute drive back to my folks’ home took us 2 1/2 hours — although in fairness I don’t know what year I decided that 45 minutes was “normal” for a drive to the airport. Maybe 1989? And we did take the coast which was infected with people trying to get to the beach on the standard spring day in southern California. And it didn’t help that the four lane PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) was down to a two lane PCH.

I was reminded to be in competition driving mode by the bus driver who was yelling out her window to a young couple carelessly blasting rap music out of their convertible Mustang. And another reminder in the form of “the bird” flipped to my by a lady who U-turned in front of me. I gave her the horn to let her know that I had switched from my Kentucky driving mode into my previous California driving mode. It was all very interesting.

A nice dinner with my folks kicked off our eating checklist. Being gone for 3 1/2 months, there were several places that we HAD to eat at while in CA. Cheesecake Factory was one of them (although we are getting one in Louisville this summer — my wife is thrilled!). Following that were In N Out Burger (the best burgers in the world!), Baja Fresh, Wood Ranch and Mission Burrito with some Jamba Juice snacks sprinkled in.

We also hit a few of the tourist traps — Disneyland, the beach, Santa Barbara and the Reagan Library. Cramming all of this into our trip along with family and friends was quite challenging but my wife did a great job scheduling everything. I needed a few days off just to recuperate from our vacation!

Our time there seemed like a blur — which blatantly contrasted with our settled in slower pace at home in Kentucky. Granted, we had lots to see and people to visit in a short amount of time but it also seemed par for the course when we lived there. Aside from not living in our old house, it seemed as if we could slide right back into the pace. But after slowing down we realized that we didn’t want to. Sure we missed our family and friends. And it was great spending time with them, catching up, telling stories, seeing what changed. And we missed the weather with it’s cookie-cutter, sun-always-on theme. But we came to realize that the decision we had made months before and were still in the midst of was the right one for our family. Through all the effort, challenges, sorrow, changes and differences, we have morphed into a more focused family.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

While we didn’t get the expected storm last night or today, it did rain up until this morning. Everything is wet and the skies are grey. Although by the end of the day the sun started to take command. Tomorrow should be nicer with a spring-like week owning the greater part of the days.

I took advantage of the soft soil and lower temps to do quite a bit of planting today. I started off the morning with a red bud tree that has beautiful purple flowers and foliage in the spring. These trees stick out like purple sore thumbs in the forests of green everywhere. I then moved to the front entryway out by the mailbox. A burning bush and forsynthia on each side will give seasonal color as you come onto the property. A trip to WalMart with my son gave us the needed planting soil and mulch to finish the job. When we returned, we planted the kids’ fruit trees – one for each of them; a pear, a yellow apple and a red apple. Each child helped me plant their tree and I hope that in 10 or 20 years they can pick some fruit and remenisce on this day to when the tree was smaller than them. Even better will be when they bring their children to pick from “their” tree. These trees are very long term investments — a nice metaphor for some other priorities we have in life: faith, marriage, children, education.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

My oldest daughter had to work on a school project at a friend’s house so we went into town to pick her up. Dark clouds were rolling in from the west and you could see the rain bands falling in the distance. As we drove home, the coulds were upon us darkening everything up. But you could see clear, blue sky on the horizon. Rain began to fall and the clouds began their exit to the east with the sun setting in the west. One of the kids then pointed out the rainbow. It was so spectacular that we pulled over to watch it unfold. We had a good view east towards the dark clouds with a command over the whole horizon. With the setting sun behind us to the west, a huge full half circle rainbow was revealed in a most amazing fashion. I drove slowly in a little circle in the dirt parking lot so everyone could have a full view (I’ve had pilots do that in the air over the Grand Canyon). What a special family moment. I told the kids that I was happy that I could share the biggest rainbow I had ever seen with them. And then it slowly faded away only to be real in our memories.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Today I had spend the day at home from work taking care of my wife. She slipped on some black ice at the post office yesterday and landed flat on her back. She described it as a “Fred Flintstone fall”. You know the kind where you land on your back. She also hit her head and was pretty banged up. Luckily, she is just in pain, no major injuries. She woke up this morning feeling “like she got run over by a truck”. She needs some rest and that’s where I come in.

I took the girls to school this morning swapping my familiar two lane country drive with a busier main drag route. My son doesn’t go to pre-school on Tues or Thurs so it was my job to occupy his time and keep him quiet so mama could get some rest. This was the silver lining part. It fit in perfectly to our new self imposed directive to a slower pace and enjoy the time with loved ones.

We played a few games together — Don’t Break the Ice and Hi Ho Cherry O — practiced his alphabet and spelling, played soccer with the dogs out back and took a short hike while getting the mail. It was nice to just spend some time with him out in the sun (even though it was only 47F) with the birds singing and dogs running around. I could have propped him in front of a DVD and worked on a project (like I have been guilty of in the old days) but it felt really good and deeply rewarding. And most importantly, it allowed my wife a break that she needed to just rest and heal up. Tomorrow she will ease back into her world of chef, taxi and mom.

Another funny observation — all the snow and ice we received Sunday night (that my wife slipped on) was gone by Monday afternoon. We also awoke Saturday morning to a white countryside which melted later that afternoon. I really like the snow here. It shows up, you get to enjoy it fall and blanket everything, play in it for a while and then it goes away. Other than the week-long snow we had a Christmas, it snows here but doesn’t hang around long.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

While the UPS tour I took earlier this week was incredible, informative and an all around good time, the most important thing I took away from the evening didn’t have anything to do about packages. In fact, it didn’t have anything to do with business at all.

Some of the people who joined us for the tour and dinner were from different sites from my company. It was a pleasure to meet them, talk about business, get to know each other’s processes and share best practices. At dinner, talk turned to family and other non-work related topics. I fielded a few questions on my family’s move out from southern California to Kentucky. My standard cookie cutter answers like a slower pace, more time with the family, back to basics, cheaper cost of living — things you have probably already read about and are familiar with throughout the history of this blog. I also shared my recent mantra “My company can get another me in a heartbeat, but my kids can’t get another dad”. That was when a fellow co-worker from one of the other sites shared a gift with me that I will never forget. It was in the form of a story.

My fellow co-worker began with,

“During one holiday period when I worked for a company that manufactured syringes and barrels, I was called in on Christmas Eve day around 11am because a piece of equipment had failed. I did not want to burden my staff with having to come in with it being Christmas Eve and all, so I tackled the problem myself.

As work goes, I didn’t get home until 11pm that night missing Christmas Eve. We did get to spend Christmas Day together but two days later she was killed in a car crash.”

My heart dropped to the floor as he continued on. He stated my mantra of “your kids can’t get another dad”, but added a corollary of “you can’t get another child“.

Qualifier: this is an interpretation of the story as told to me directly. Some of the details may not be exact but will not detract from the awesome message it conveys. He also gave me permission to share his amazing story. I thank him for his courage and strength to share his story and loss so others may gain.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

Today I am off of work enjoying the time with the family. I just awoke from a quick 20 minute nap on the couch in the family room. I was reading a new book and my wife curled up next to me. It was a nice Hallmark moment — the mist outside, the smoker outside cooking tonight’s chicken, Tchaikovsky piano music in the kitchen, my wife sleeping next to me and a good book. I laid the book down and took it all in realizing that true enjoyment moments like this just happen — they aren’t planned or scheduled. What you have to do and what I am slowly realizing is that you need to position your life so that there are more opportunities for them to occur. That, coupled with opening your eyes so that you can identify the moments when they happen, will lead to true enjoyment moments. The book I started (no book report yet since I have only finished the “Foreword” and am in Chapter 1) talks about “permanent things — values, family, relationships, communicating”. These are what I have been focusing on and intend to keep focusing on as we continue on this journey of leading a slower paced life.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

One of the intentions of this blog/journal is to not only share my experiences, observations and challenges, but to also encourage the reader to make positive changes to their lives — or at least give it a shot. Your changes might not be as drastic as moving a family across the country. It could be spending more time with your family, trying a new sport or hobby, or taking on a challenging project. But all these are new things that sometimes are easier to talk about instead of actually putting into practice. And sometimes change involves loss or the possibility of failure. I believe it is those two components that tend to paralize us into resisting change. Throw in fear of the unknown and you have a recipe for keeping things the same…..even if they suck. I find it ironic that change (and death and taxes) are the only sure things in life but we, as humans, are so resistant to something we know is always going to happen. And we have to be careful not to make change just to make change (unless it is redecorating a room in your house). True positive change is something that you have assessed, made a decision on and acted upon, integreting into your life until the change is the new norm. You will then reap the benefits of that positive change. The key is to be flexible to changes that are unexpected and you cannot control in addition to keeping your eye open for opportunities and areas where you can take control and make positive change. You are separating stimulus from response. Things are always going to happen. It is your response to those changes that you can control. People not in tune with this concept just react. People in control of their lives, emotions and actions respond, rather than react, with appropriate actions that will benefit them or at least minimize repercussions.

What you can do is determine what is important to you in your life, assess the positive changes you can make and implement them. Kinda like finding the secret formula that works for you. I brushed the topic a few months ago in this post — Values and Finances — and again I encourage you to go out, find the formula that works for you and put it into action. If you keep putting it off til tomorrow, you will continue to lose the benefits you could gain today.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

While on my way home this evening, I stopped by the semi-local country convenience store. You know, the one with two gas pumps out front where you can buy beer, bait, snacks and lotto tix. Definitely not the sterile, polished, corporate cookie cutter older sibling a la 7-11, Circle K or AM/PM. This was like the rougher little brother — a little tattered, individual, and independent but has some culture in it’s own unique way.

Anyway, the pimple-faced clerk was a young kid that was really friendly. Actually said “hi” and “thank you” — rare for a kid that age and even rarer being a convenience store clerk. One of the customers in overalls and a trucker’s cap chatted with me in the friendly Kentucky manner I am acclimating too. He also greeted by name what appeared to be a regular customer when he came in. Turns out, he is the owner of the little enterprise and the kid is family. It had a nice, very small home town feel.

It will be a little pitstop on my 18 minute drive home from work if I need a Dr Pepper or iced tea…..or bait. Then I can walk in, say hi to Dave and he’ll greet me by name like all his other customers…..kinda like Norm on Cheers.

…..Dan at aslowerpace