A Slower Pace

Monday was a busy day…..too busy for a posting. So my weekend update is a little late but here nonetheless.

Saturday was a family day with lots of errands. On Friday, my oldest daughter brought home a progress report from her middle school. Her lowest grade was an 89% — we were thrilled! To celebrate, we agreed to go to our new favorite BBQ place on Saturday, Smokey Bones. We coupled that with a trip in the city to Home Depot, Target and the mall. Sunday, we were a little late getting up so we hit the late service and did a few more errands. The rest of the day was spent playing the driving game (Sega Dreamcast), watching “The Lion King” and doing a few honey do’s.

More postings later on our school situation and other stuff.

…..Dan at aslowerpace

Going to WalMart late last night, it was dark on the two lane country road. The snow that had previously deposited and subsided had returned to do more. The large, white, silver dollar sized flakes were still gently floating down but then suddenly disturbed as my truck swept by leaving them tumbling in the swirling air. The 35 mph was intensified into what seemed like a maddening pace by the dark road where you could not see anything not directly in the path of the Tahoe’s headlights. And the large, white snowflakes were even whiter being illumated by the trucks lights. The whole scene took me immediately back to any of the Star Wars movies (the original, 2 or 3 — or 4, 5 and 6 for those young punk Johnny come latelies) where Han Solo would be in his Millenium Falcon and switch to hyperdrive to escape the evil Empire chasing him. The empty space around him was an encompassing black and you could see the stars ahead but when he switched on the hyperdrive, the bright spots of light just went wizzing past in a blinding streak. That is a perfect description of my drive last night. It was pretty damn cool to get that effect at a grandma pace of 35 mph.

After my cardio workout in the basement this morning, I turned on the morning news for breakfast. Imagine my surprise when one of the teasers the newsman throws out before a commercial break was “A city is going to charge extra to take groceries home — find out which one next”.

I turned to my wife and said “What is this, California?”.

Turns out I was right. San Francisco is petitioning to become the first city to charge a tax on plastic grocery bags — 17 cents!!!

Check out an online story of it here — http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1326917/posts

It was events like this that drove me crazy in California. The encroachment of personal freedoms by liberal, taxing, socialist minded lemmings.

And it turns out…..we DID leave absurdity behind. Wheh! That was a close one.

…..Dan at aslowerpace

While upgrading my ReplayTV with a larger hard drive for more capacity, I also created a photo partition to load family pix onto it. That way, when I hit the pause button or the screen saver kicks on, I get an impromptu slide show of cool family pix (try THAT T*vo!).

I went through digital pix for the last 3 years and most were from back in CA. It was refreshing and bittersweet going through them. It brought back some emotions but different than a week and half ago were I was having challenges with our decision. Some of the pictures made me realize how far we have come. How much our kids have grown, how much we have changed, how much is still the same, how much work we have done. While in some ways I still missed our home and California, it also made me proud of how far we have come and how good I believe our decision is to come here. The decisions we made years ago have brought us to the fruits I saw in the pictures and that reinforced the decision we were in the midst of right now.

Again, similar pictures to what I was viewing a few weeks ago, but instead of looking at them with sadness and loss, I was looking at them as a document to our decision making to what is best for our family and proof that we have been doing the right thing all along since the inception of this family.

…..Dan at aslowerpace

Today was a good family day. Spent the time out with the family shopping, braving the snow flurries, picking up milk, bread and eggs (we learned from the last snowstorm) and eating lunch out. We had a nice meal at a local BBQ place with great food.

The one thing I miss about California is the public no smoking policies — in malls, in restaurants and in public places. It’s one of the few things California got right. Here, of course, the effective lines drawn down and signs designating a smoking vs. non smoking area keep everything in control so they don’t need such policy madness. Smoke doesn’t drift over. Naaahhh.  And places always have separate ventilation systems. I’ll quit before I get on my soapbox.

We didn’t get much snow — ’bout 2 inches. We should be able to get out tomorrow morning to make church. Who’da thunk we’d ever make 4 Sundays in a row much less batting one thousand.

It has been an interesting week. Not the turmoil like we had in previous weeks with school or second guessing our decision. But also not like we’ve been here 6 months and have totally adjusted. I have a feeling that the adjustment period will progress along more like a gradiation rather than a on/off kind of thing. We’ll have some good days and some bad days just like in the beginning. But the ratio will slowly weigh to the good days’ favor.

For example, Tuesday this week I received my daily morning email update from my wife. She was amazed that all the kids had gotten ready for school without whining or fighting or crying or causing any trouble. They each went to school with positive attitudes willingly. When she picked them up, they had good days and talked about it. To top it off, they all went to bed early and my son even put himself to bed in his own bed without prompting. This in itself is amazing because at one point during the night he ends up in our bed — either starting out or at 3am. It was like the planets aligned.

Well, of course, the next day Mars must have been out of whack because there was a bit of whining and stuff in the morning. Nothing major but enough to make you realize that the day before was an anamoly. Which leads to my conclusion that, in this transition, we will continue to have up days and down days but the ratio will slowly progress towards favoring the up days. Even in our regular lives in CA, we had down days so that is to be expected and not necessarily compared to our transition period here in Kentucky. What it signaled to me is that we are on the right path however slowly the transition is. And eventually, our good days will outnumber the not so good and we will realise that our adjustment period had ended some time before, only it was subtle. So subtle that we didn’t recognize it as we became true Kentuckians.

…..Dan at aslowerpace

Last night it was COLD! It got down to 5F degrees. THAT’S NOT A TEMPERATURE, THAT’S A TIME OF DAY! I haven’t been in this kind of cold since I was in Rhode Island two years ago. All I can say is BRRRRRR!!

This isn’t a surprise for this time of year though. At least I knew what we were getting into coming here. I think I’ll go check on the propane level (see previous post a few days ago).

…..Dan at aslowerpace

As has been my pattern, when there are days between posts, things are going on. Either stress or things to deal with or just plain life catching up with us. This week was no different. However, this time, it was me having a difficult time. My transition with work has been the easiest part of all this. Good people there coupled with a familiar business process and my past work experience has made for a quick learning curve. Other than some longer than expected hours, things there are going well and I am happy about the move. Being a person of routine, I will be happier once the routine settles in.

Where I was having difficulty was with home — not necessarily people or things here, but mostly missing what I left. I covered it in a previous post (link here) — missing my old routine, familiar places, the conveniences and closeness of everything. I guess some of what triggered it were the last several days here of cloudiness and/or rain (no sun), the longer work hours — leave at dark, get home at dark, my oldest daughter’s challenges to adjusting to middle school, the closing process on our old house that I put lots of sweat and tears into and where we made memories as a family — lots of things that challenged our move decision. And then seeing some recent pictures of the kids in California settings — playing in the front lawn, at the beach, at the zoo. All these things combined, welled up inside and brought out a lot of emotion and looking back. Monday morning quarterbacking. Second guessing. Wondering if I did the right thing for our family. This funk was with me for a couple of days. I was more quiet than I normally am. Reserved. I was finally not so busy with the move, with others’ adjusting, with work, with getting things for the house; that I finally had to deal with these emotions rather than putting them off to accomplish something that needed to get done.

I think one thing that finally snapped me out was the realization that I needed to look forward, not backward. Sure, there are things that I was going to miss; to yearn for. However, even in my “funk” I knew logically that we had made the best decision. It didn’t make the emotion easier to deal with. And even in that funk I could still be logical and know it was the best decision but it still didn’t matter at that point. The emotion had to be dealt with. It sucked and at that point I didn’t know what would help — other than time. But I finally came out of it knowing I had to look forward; to be grateful for what I had; to appreciate what was around me here in Kentucky. After this process, I can still look back fondly at pictures, things, people, places and happenings in California. But be very happy that we are in our new home here in Kentucky. And this is not a black and white state of mind. There might be relapses where a friend, a place, a routine, a place in time is missed dearly. But those thoughts will be bittersweet and eventually looked back upon fondly rather than a hole in our being.

One item I read online that caused me to stop, reflect and stop feeling sorry for my pityful self was an article on the recent La Conchita, CA mudslide. The article (original link unavailable — look here) documented the real pain a guy was going through after losing his wife and 3 of 4 daughters to the slide. The article made my problems seem miniscule — and they were in comparison. That helped me move towards the more healthy attitude of looking forward. Looking forward to our adventure here in Kentucky. Looking forward to creating new family memories in our new home. Looking forward to exploring new places with the family. Looking forward to a new routine. Taking advantage of the time I have here with my wife and kids. It all reminds me of a toast I made to a great friend at his wedding. It went something like: “May you thoroughly enjoy the present, with your eyes focused together on the future, while you bask in the glow of the past”. I guess I veered away from that philosophy. Here’s to putting it back in practice.

…..Dan at aslowerpace

While the above title isn’t really what I am insinuating, it was reality this morning. Seems that suburban city boy here takes water heater fuel for granted. See in CA, an endless supply of natural gas is magically piped in keeping your water nice and hot ready for use pulsating against your skin in the shower or washing your Toughskin jeans in the washing machine. Well, out here in the country, it is supplied by a limited capacity tank. The guys at the energy company like to know ahead of time when it gets down to a quarter tank so they can schedule a delivery.

So when suburban city boy (or his wife) call up revealing our lack of country sophistication, they probably got a good laugh. Luckily, my wife went in to the office and nicely chatted with them so not only did we get the friendly Kentucky service by having them come out this afternoon and refill the tank, but they also waived the $75 empty charge.

Now we need to reanalyze our fuel usage. It was at 82% 3 weeks ago! Having 3 guests during the holidays, a cold spell that brought all that snow, a (stupid) gas fireplace that switches on at the flick of a button (instead of a real man’s wood burning fireplace), and baths for the kids all greatly accelerated our usage. No doubt I will be adding a weekly reminder to check the tank level onto my PalmPilot calendar as well as implementing ways to reduce our usage.

It’s just those kind of things that we new country folk need to learn about.

Anyway, now you can join in with the energy guys in their laugh for the day.

…..Dan at aslowerpace

While at work this morning, I got a cellphone call from my wife. Seems that while she and my son were doing some exploring down by the creek, they ran across their first snake. My son wanted to play with it while my wife wanted to go the other way. She ended up using a stick to push it into the creek. Their exploratory hike abruptly ended and she said she will be leaving that kind of stuff to me.

The temps are in the upper 50’s – low 60’s which I think prematurely drew him out of hibernation. He’s in for a rude surprise this weekend when temps are going back down to freezing.

…..Dan at aslowerpace