As has been my pattern, when there are days between posts, things are going on. Either stress or things to deal with or just plain life catching up with us. This week was no different. However, this time, it was me having a difficult time. My transition with work has been the easiest part of all this. Good people there coupled with a familiar business process and my past work experience has made for a quick learning curve. Other than some longer than expected hours, things there are going well and I am happy about the move. Being a person of routine, I will be happier once the routine settles in.
Where I was having difficulty was with home — not necessarily people or things here, but mostly missing what I left. I covered it in a previous post (link here) — missing my old routine, familiar places, the conveniences and closeness of everything. I guess some of what triggered it were the last several days here of cloudiness and/or rain (no sun), the longer work hours — leave at dark, get home at dark, my oldest daughter’s challenges to adjusting to middle school, the closing process on our old house that I put lots of sweat and tears into and where we made memories as a family — lots of things that challenged our move decision. And then seeing some recent pictures of the kids in California settings — playing in the front lawn, at the beach, at the zoo. All these things combined, welled up inside and brought out a lot of emotion and looking back. Monday morning quarterbacking. Second guessing. Wondering if I did the right thing for our family. This funk was with me for a couple of days. I was more quiet than I normally am. Reserved. I was finally not so busy with the move, with others’ adjusting, with work, with getting things for the house; that I finally had to deal with these emotions rather than putting them off to accomplish something that needed to get done.
I think one thing that finally snapped me out was the realization that I needed to look forward, not backward. Sure, there are things that I was going to miss; to yearn for. However, even in my “funk” I knew logically that we had made the best decision. It didn’t make the emotion easier to deal with. And even in that funk I could still be logical and know it was the best decision but it still didn’t matter at that point. The emotion had to be dealt with. It sucked and at that point I didn’t know what would help — other than time. But I finally came out of it knowing I had to look forward; to be grateful for what I had; to appreciate what was around me here in Kentucky. After this process, I can still look back fondly at pictures, things, people, places and happenings in California. But be very happy that we are in our new home here in Kentucky. And this is not a black and white state of mind. There might be relapses where a friend, a place, a routine, a place in time is missed dearly. But those thoughts will be bittersweet and eventually looked back upon fondly rather than a hole in our being.
One item I read online that caused me to stop, reflect and stop feeling sorry for my pityful self was an article on the recent La Conchita, CA mudslide. The article (original link unavailable — look here) documented the real pain a guy was going through after losing his wife and 3 of 4 daughters to the slide. The article made my problems seem miniscule — and they were in comparison. That helped me move towards the more healthy attitude of looking forward. Looking forward to our adventure here in Kentucky. Looking forward to creating new family memories in our new home. Looking forward to exploring new places with the family. Looking forward to a new routine. Taking advantage of the time I have here with my wife and kids. It all reminds me of a toast I made to a great friend at his wedding. It went something like: “May you thoroughly enjoy the present, with your eyes focused together on the future, while you bask in the glow of the past”. I guess I veered away from that philosophy. Here’s to putting it back in practice.
…..Dan at aslowerpace
